July 12, 2010
Venue Booked!
Garry and I went to check out a local venue and it was everything we had hoped for! Even better – the parking is right next to the ceremony site so our elderly grandparents won’t have to walk very far.
It’s absolutely gorgeous!
My mom called just a while ago and booked the venue for Sept. 3, 2011. Holy cow! We’re actually getting married!
We’re going to hire a decorating company to come in and do some draping on the ceiling and around the posts. It will look gorgeous without being *too* frou-frou. YAY!
Garry and I also went to one of my favorite local restaurants and had dinner for our “date night.” The food (as always) was excellent! We’ve decided that they’ll do our catering for us too! Now just to book them, schedule a tasting appointment and schedule our consultation with the people from the decorating company! It’s awesome being productive!
July 9, 2010
Appointments
Still no rain today – however there are some clouds looming overhead. At this point, I’m hoping the rain will hold off a few more hours until after we’ve gotten a chance to look around the venue we’re scoping out later today for our legal ceremony. I’m hoping going and seeing a venue will give me a better idea of what I’d like to do. If we really like this place we’ll book it right away I imagine, but there is one more we might take a gander at (a local Victorian mansion!). As for right now I’m just stuck on what I want to do look-wise. There is a lot of pressure to be unique from everyone else, but really I don’t care if I’m unique – I care more about being happy. If everyone else on the planet is doing the same thing, well then I guess I have good taste. The problem is trying to define a style for Garry and I. He could really care less so long as there is nothing pink involved and I’m having a hard time breaking out of the “wedding” theme. I guess looking at all the blogs and sites out there where people come up with these really creative ideas are causing me to put the pressure on myself.
In just about an hour I’m going to our local grocer (well they’re a regional company) to learn how to make a bouquet. They always have GORGEOUS flowers in the store and honestly, buying a bouquet from them would run me about $50 if they do it for me (for an average sized arrangement). If I do it myself – it would end up being cheaper I imagine.
I have a list ready to go of all the different kinds of flowers that are in-season in September and I can get an idea of what I can do. The must-have flower are white asiatic lilies. I would like to keep the palate to whites, off-whites, greens and brown. I also really like texture. (branches, foilage and flowers with interesting textures are all good in my book)
While this bouquet will be for our handfasting – it does give me an idea of what I want to do for our legal wedding too. I also want things to be cohesive (but not so matchy-matchy that it’s boring) with the centerpieces being “related” to the bouquets.
After writing all of that, I’m sitting here thinking to myself how absolutely surreal it is that I am actually engaged and I’m really going to get married. It’s one of those things that for the last… oh… *counting on my hands* 5 or 6 years now I’ve been planning in one form or another. No joke.
July 6, 2010
The ring
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, mostly because now that Garry and I are “officially” engaged, it’s been a little crazy.
I don’t have a photo of the ring yet (still working on that), but I have something just as good!
I still think it was a moot point, but it did make him feel all special - and that’s what’s important. However, he posted the video on Facebook that morning and it was apparently viral through our circle of friends before I got home last Tuesday.
This week we were planning on getting a lot done. Then the weather decided it was going to be ungodly warm. Grr.
We live on the second floor of old house (like 1890′s old) that was converted into a triplex. It gets WARM in there. Yesterday we had a bunch of people over (which was a BAD idea) and we don’t own a proper air conditioning unit to cool our living room (our living room doesn’t have windows that can open – so it has to be one powerful enough to cool two rooms) and it was pretty miserable. I’m still recovering.
Fortunately the AC we do have is capable of cooling our bedroom so at least we were able to get some sleep last night. However this means that the only room that will be anywhere close to tolerable is our bedroom, making any sort of work we want to do on our wedding this week next to impossible. (Really, I just wanted to print my handfasting invitations)
On Friday I have two appointments – one with a florist and another with a venue and we’re going to dinner at a potential restaurant that may do catering. Of course, it’s supposed to RAIN all day on Friday. Awesome. Although I’m sure by that point I’ll be fine with waltzing about in the rain.
June 22, 2010
The dress arrives!
Yesterday, for some reason, I was incredibly stressed out over figuring out the venue.
I’m trying to find this balance of something that will make me happy, be worth my family flying in from over 1,000 miles away (I hate to say it – but a picnic in the park probably does not constitute a good enough reason for most of my family to fly up), and will be comfortable for my local friends too.
The biggest problem is – what I really want doesn’t feel feasable. Not because we can’t afford it – I’m guessing my father is willing to pay for the added cost if it will make me happy (trust me – it’s a HUGE surprise to me considering my life previous to this has been nothing like that) after hinting about it the other night on the phone – but because where I’d really love to have it (or at least the general area) is about 2 hours away from my hometown.
I’d feel a little like a jerk if I asked people (our friends, the bridal party and people who are helping me out for free or very cheap) to drive 2 hours (one way) to be at our wedding. Of course it would be beautiful, good food and a lot of fun, but driving 4 hours is a lot – and if they don’t want to drive that far – hotels are still kind of expensive.
It would be nice for my family however – they would get to spend a weekend in what I would say is the most beautiful part of our state. There’s tons to do there and they can all take a mini vacation. If we had our ceremony on a Saturday (we’d have to book NOW to do that) Garry and I could take that following Sunday and just spend a day out there and enjoy the scenery. I would really like that – and I know my family would really like that.
Garry’s family lives out in that direction so for them it would be a little bit of a shorter drive and it would be a little more familiar to them than driving into my hometown about an hour away.
The conundrum lies within all our close friends (who live in our hometown) who we really want to be there. Our families will go either way – whichever city we’d like to have it in is fine by either of them I’m guessing – but I’m wondering if our friends will be willing to drive all that way for us.
After worrying over that all day, I came home and found that my dress arrived! YAY! 
The UPS guy dropped it off just as I was heading down the road to my second job and Garry took it up. He called and said “Hey hun, your dress is here, I opened it to…”
“NOOOOOO!!! Don’t open it!!!!”
Heehee. Really, at this point I don’t really care. I just like messing with him. After I finished giggling, I told him if he wanted to look he could – it’s not like he’d know what it looks like on me. Or if he does, oh well. I guess when it comes to these sorts of things I’m not as superstitious as most people are.
Of course, by telling him that I don’t care if he peeks, it will ensure that he won’t. It’s not as fun if I don’t really care.
The fabric is exactly what I imagined it to be – just like my maids’ dresses only in ivory (white is way too stark on my already pasty skin). I really love it. I hope I love it just as much when I put it on. I’m taking it with me to my weekly ladies night to try on in front of my friends. I’m fairly certain I’ll have to hire a seamstress to do some alterations – that’s all well and good. I don’t mind.
My MOH called and said that my engagement ring would take a day or two longer since they had to order a special shank for it. (Apparently people don’t usually order trillium cut stones) That’s fine, I’ll still get it around 4th of July which makes me a happy panda. I’m more worried about venues than anything else right now. Everything else is easy-peasy.
June 21, 2010
Breaking the news
It was an odd weekend of sorts.
We went to our Litha ritual with all of our friends from the community we belong to. We camped all weekend and had miraculously beautiful weather. We haven’t really “broken” the news to our community as a whole that we’re getting married - although most of them we’ve talked to about it personally and that seems good enough for me.
Maybe it’s my fear of the “are we invited?” part of it because not everyone in our community is invited. Sure we share ritual space with them, but it would be along the same lines as inviting weird Uncle Fred or crazy Aunt Millie – it would be out of guilt, not because we really want them there. So we’ve restrained on making a public announcement about our engagement – or handing out invitations at ritual because inevitably there will be the “where’s my invite” situation and I don’t handle that kind of pressure well.
Going along with that – one of my maids and her boyfriend announced that they are getting married (at the ritual - in front of everyone) sometime next spring and a few people piped up with “Are we invited?” and I giggled a little and looked at Garry. He just shook his head wondering how I knew that would happen.
Of course, my inner Mercury in Virgo just exploded everywhere when she told me. Not only do I get to plan OUR wedding, but since they’ll have a baby (and I’ve offered help in that venue as well) I offered to help plan THEIR wedding too.
Why? Because I’m crazy like that. And I love my friends.
It’s also nice to have someone local, who is also getting married, to bounce ideas off of and share the “experience” with. It should be interesting, or disasterous… not really sure yet.
Skipping to yesterday – I called my dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. We talked a little about the wedding and frankly, I hadn’t really broken the news to him directly - he just heard most of it from my mom.
I told him we got the wedding bands and we were still looking for a venue. We were thinking of one place, but my dad kind of (but not formally) vetoed it because his class reuinion was there and the food was apparently terrible.
I said that if I were to have exactly what I wanted without worry of cost or hassle – I’d have it at a paticular winery that’s about an hour and a half away from where Garry and I live. He asked why we couldn’t have it there (knowing that they’re paying for the reception and all). I explained the distance is kind of hard to manage for all of our in-town friends (we have a HUGE bridal party of 18 people) and I don’t think they want to pony up THAT much money and I wouldn’t really want to ask.
I’m really not sure what to do here. It makes it difficult because my parents don’t live in the area (they live over 1,000 miles away) and can’t go and check something out for me while I’m at work or generally busy.
Although – I’ve set a time limit for myself. We’re picking (and booking) a venue by the end of July. Mostly to save my sanity and secondly because most places book a year out or more.
June 14, 2010
The importance of Budgeting
I’ll admit right off the bat – budgeting was not always my strong suit. It took years of making pretty big financial mistakes (shopping sprees and international trips) to finally learn my lesson about creating a budget and sticking to it – and thankfully it became habit well before Garry and I decided to get married.
One of the biggest issues couples fight over is money. In serious cases (as in when coupled with bad communication) it can lead to divorce if not corrected before marriage.
The wedding usually is the first very large budgeting situation that couples will find themselves in (unless, of course, they purchase a house or make other large financial decisions beforehand) and it can teach a newly engaged couple really how to handle finances responsibly (or it can go horribly wrong and the couple can end up with MASSIVE amounts of debt – which makes no one a happy panda).
While I know not everyone will agree with me – it’s my belief that a couple should never go into debt over their wedding. The lessons in saving for something special and the use of control over one’s spending habits (and the communication of how the money is going to be spent) is invaluable and makes for a financially stable household. There is no good reason to start a marriage in the red (long-term debt like student loans, or in the case of some – a mortgage are exempt from this). I think people forget that a wedding is not about how much bling or flowers you can fit into a day – but it’s about making a life-long commitment to the one person in the world that you love more than anyone else.
In this day and age where you can get anything and everything on credit, couples are spending on average $19,581 on their big day or in a range from $14,686 to $24,476 – according to www.averageweddingcost.com. This does not include the cost of a honeymoon or the engagement ring. More information on the site, plus a wedding cost estimator calculator.
Think about that – nearly $25,000! That’s a good down-payment on a house! Or a brand-new car! Spent all on one day!
Garry and I decided that we absolutely did not want to go into debt over our handfasting or our wedding. Actually – with the plans we have put into place – we’ll be completely debt free (excluding my student loans and his Jeep will be almost paid off) by the time we get married in September of next year.
Our budget (for our handfasting) is hovering around $1,000 (included in that is a plane ticket for Garry’s best man which comes in around $300) and our wedding budget is around $5,000 (but it’s looking more like we’ll only need $4,000) for the portion that we’re paying for* (also including another $300 plane ticket).
(*We are very fortunate that my parents have graciously decided to pick up the tab for the venue, catering and beverages)
Setting up a budget is actually pretty easy. All you have to do is take your monthly income and subtract all of your bills (rent or mortgage, utilities, groceries, transportation – etc.) and you’ll have an amount that’s left over. See if there’s anywhere you can cut costs. A while ago we were wondering why we had very little money at the end of the month. We realized after looking at our ledgers that we would spend over $400 on food a month! For two people! We cut our grocery bill almost in half and stopped eating fast food – which adds up REALLY quickly) and have faired a little better. In my case, I have an average of $600 a month after bills to pay for things like groceries and gasoline. After that I usually have around $300 -$400 a month that usually goes toward the renovations of our apartment building.
After looking at our budgets, we knew we couldn’t afford to set aside more than about $200-$250 a month each without really impairing on our lifestyle or potentially causing some financial trouble. We wanted to keep in mind that we’ll still want to do things like go out to dinner with friends, go to a movie or maybe take a day-trip every once in a while because it’s a good idea to relax and take your mind off of wedding planning (so I’m learning at least). Also – we’re saving up for a house. We could go ALL out and set aside $800 a month, but then we wouldn’t have money set aside for a down payment on a house – which in the long run – is much more important to both of us than really expensive flower arrangements.
Once we knew how much each month we could set aside (mostly for our legal ceremony, but for the handfasting too – just to see how far we can stretch our budget), I went into Excel and put together a worksheet of all the items we need to purchase (my dress, decorations etc.) and put in a budgeted amount for each item – that’s the “Estimated Cost” column. As we purchase items I add the actual cost into an adjascent column titled “Actual Cost” (and highlight the row so I know it’s purchased). That way we can keep track if we’re going over (or under!) on our budget and find out where we can splurge or where we can cut costs. For example: I budgeted $150 to buy patterns and fabric for my bridesmaids. I ended up only spending $80. That leaves me $7o that I can put somewhere else – like a port-o potty (something I had completely forgotten about beforehand) since our handfasting is going to be pretty much in the middle of the woods.
The extra money is important to have in case you run into unexpected costs (and you will) like emergency dress alterations, delivery/set-up fees, taxes and gratuity (which can total to nearly 30% of the original cost tacked on!). The best way to start getting an idea as to how much a particular item (or something like a venue) is going to cost is to call the vendor and see if packages are available (those are usually pretty good about giving good details on cost) and then make absolutely sure to ask about gratuity, cake cutting fees, tear-down/set-up fees, or any other fees that are not listed on the package (because chances are they won’t bill those costs until you receive the final bill the day of your wedding) and when payments are due. When possible – get a very clear contract with specific amounts and specific dates.
Another tip that has helped us immensely so far with our budget is utilizing the talents and generosity of our friends and family.
We are fortunate enough to have friends that are professional dj’s, photographers and have amazing skills at sewing and decorating. Our own skills are helpful too – I do a lot of work in the Adobe Suite at work and can design my own custom invitations and print them at home. They look like I paid over a $1k for them, but really – only $50 for paper and supplies. 
Chances are good you’ll have tons of friends that are willing to help out (if you ask nicely and provide pizza!) with things like assembling favors and invitations. Another way to cut down on costs is to email invitations to people who are technologically savvy (think friends from work and people who might not keep the invite in a scrapbook like your grandma might) in PDF format. There are also online services to email invites and save-the-date cards. www.smilebox.com is a good site for you techno-folk out there. You pay $5 and you can get your invites or save-the-dates ad free! Plus there’s music to choose from if you’d like to add it. (Emailing saves a ton of money on postage and is very green since you’re not printing a ton of cards). We’re planning on doing a mix of both – we’re emailing and handing out invitations. We’re snail-mailing a few, but only to our family and a few out-of-town friends.
Now, don’t get me wrong, if you’re on a budget for your wedding (which I would guess that’s the vast majority of us out there) everything does NOT have to be DIY. (Garry and I are just that special kind of crazy!) If you are on a budget, but don’t find yourself particularly crafty or don’t want to deal with the absolute and pure frustration of putting everything together – you can always go on sites like ebay or etsy and purchase what you need for a good deal. The goal here is to keep on the look out for good deals and to be open to ideas.
June 9, 2010
There’s a time and place for everything
Something that I never really gave too much thought of before was the venue for our legal ceremony. Our handfasting will be held on private property so it will be cozy and nice. People have asked “Why not have your legal ceremony there?” Well, first of all, we’d have to rent port-o potties. Okay, I think that’s all that needs to be said on that.
We’ve been thinking of venues in our area that are versatile – that we can have it indoors if need be, but ideally we’d have it outside. Because we have a more than intimately sized guest list that takes out a couple of places that I had previously thought about booking.
The best part about the venue/food is that my parents are picking up the tab. It’s the one thing that we really can’t budget enough money for (and not end up surviving off of Ramen for the next year) and thankfully my mom and dad have been generous enough to take care of that part.
Of course, that’s going to come with some strings attached. I’m hoping the cap that I’ve put on (at 150) will be reasonable for them. That’s the biggest of my worries to be honest. That, and we might not really get something as nice as I’m hoping for, in the name of it being too expensive. I can appreciate the cost being exhorbitant. However, I also realize that (and not to have a tantrum over this) my parents aren’t exactly poor. Actually they’re pretty well off – and without a fuss – they paid for my younger brother’s entire (ok the vast majority) wedding a year ago.
Granted their wedding was nothing extravagent. They wanted a simple wedding with a simple reception (we had it at my parent’s house) and that’s what they got. Here’s how I look at it: The deal my parents gave my brother and I with college was that if we graduated (with good marks) they would pay half of our student loans off for us. I went to a state school (costing around $60K when I was finished) and my brother – because he didn’t take a foreign language in high school (or claimed that he just “couldn’t do it” which I always thought was his way of not having to do something he didn’t want to bother doing) went to a private college and his students loans ended up being around $100K after finishing.
I graduated with a 3.3GPA overall (which I thought was pretty good). My brother, on the other hand, was academically dismissed (but then begged his way back into the program) and then barely graduated.
But, keeping true to their promise they paid for half of my schooling and half of my brother’s.
So in all fairness you’d think that spending twice as much on my reception than they did my brother’s wedding would be okay since it was okay to do that with our schooling? Right? I’m hoping so.
Although – if you asked me what my absolute fairy-tale dream come true place to have our legal wedding would be – it would be at one of the wineries about an hour – hour and a half from here. The venues are just gorgeous, the food amazing, overall everything I’d want. However - kind of pricey – a lot more than I’d reasonably ask my parents for (but of course, wouldn’t turn down if it was offered!)
We’ve looked at one place in town that we really like – but we want to look elsewhere before we make a decision and book a date. The reason we need to do so lickety split is well, most (really nice) venues around here book a year in advance. My mom (I think) wants to book the venue before the end of July. You know, no pressure or anything.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s a place that’s comfortable for both families and our friends, that good food can be available (either on-site or through a caterer) and there are people available to help set up/tear down so we don’t have to worry about any of that stuff that day.
