July 12, 2010
Venue Booked!
Garry and I went to check out a local venue and it was everything we had hoped for! Even better – the parking is right next to the ceremony site so our elderly grandparents won’t have to walk very far.
It’s absolutely gorgeous!
My mom called just a while ago and booked the venue for Sept. 3, 2011. Holy cow! We’re actually getting married!
We’re going to hire a decorating company to come in and do some draping on the ceiling and around the posts. It will look gorgeous without being *too* frou-frou. YAY!
Garry and I also went to one of my favorite local restaurants and had dinner for our “date night.” The food (as always) was excellent! We’ve decided that they’ll do our catering for us too! Now just to book them, schedule a tasting appointment and schedule our consultation with the people from the decorating company! It’s awesome being productive!
June 9, 2010
There’s a time and place for everything
Something that I never really gave too much thought of before was the venue for our legal ceremony. Our handfasting will be held on private property so it will be cozy and nice. People have asked “Why not have your legal ceremony there?” Well, first of all, we’d have to rent port-o potties. Okay, I think that’s all that needs to be said on that.
We’ve been thinking of venues in our area that are versatile – that we can have it indoors if need be, but ideally we’d have it outside. Because we have a more than intimately sized guest list that takes out a couple of places that I had previously thought about booking.
The best part about the venue/food is that my parents are picking up the tab. It’s the one thing that we really can’t budget enough money for (and not end up surviving off of Ramen for the next year) and thankfully my mom and dad have been generous enough to take care of that part.
Of course, that’s going to come with some strings attached. I’m hoping the cap that I’ve put on (at 150) will be reasonable for them. That’s the biggest of my worries to be honest. That, and we might not really get something as nice as I’m hoping for, in the name of it being too expensive. I can appreciate the cost being exhorbitant. However, I also realize that (and not to have a tantrum over this) my parents aren’t exactly poor. Actually they’re pretty well off – and without a fuss – they paid for my younger brother’s entire (ok the vast majority) wedding a year ago.
Granted their wedding was nothing extravagent. They wanted a simple wedding with a simple reception (we had it at my parent’s house) and that’s what they got. Here’s how I look at it: The deal my parents gave my brother and I with college was that if we graduated (with good marks) they would pay half of our student loans off for us. I went to a state school (costing around $60K when I was finished) and my brother – because he didn’t take a foreign language in high school (or claimed that he just “couldn’t do it” which I always thought was his way of not having to do something he didn’t want to bother doing) went to a private college and his students loans ended up being around $100K after finishing.
I graduated with a 3.3GPA overall (which I thought was pretty good). My brother, on the other hand, was academically dismissed (but then begged his way back into the program) and then barely graduated.
But, keeping true to their promise they paid for half of my schooling and half of my brother’s.
So in all fairness you’d think that spending twice as much on my reception than they did my brother’s wedding would be okay since it was okay to do that with our schooling? Right? I’m hoping so.
Although – if you asked me what my absolute fairy-tale dream come true place to have our legal wedding would be – it would be at one of the wineries about an hour – hour and a half from here. The venues are just gorgeous, the food amazing, overall everything I’d want. However - kind of pricey – a lot more than I’d reasonably ask my parents for (but of course, wouldn’t turn down if it was offered!)
We’ve looked at one place in town that we really like – but we want to look elsewhere before we make a decision and book a date. The reason we need to do so lickety split is well, most (really nice) venues around here book a year in advance. My mom (I think) wants to book the venue before the end of July. You know, no pressure or anything.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s a place that’s comfortable for both families and our friends, that good food can be available (either on-site or through a caterer) and there are people available to help set up/tear down so we don’t have to worry about any of that stuff that day.
June 8, 2010
:D
I can finally say that we’re officially unofficially engaged!
Okay, so it sounds odd, but we’ve started planning our handfasting – got (most) of our crew in order and working on the invites. The only thing that keeps it from being “official” (and this is in the eyes of tradition) is that Garry hasn’t “formally” proposed with a ring and all that silliness.
Two years ago I said that I didn’t want an engagement ring. I didn’t want it to come across as being “bought” ala “Here’s this shiny bauble, so marry me” kind of deal. I know that’s not how it is in the mainstream, but for me it kind of felt like that.
We hemmed and hawed over the idea for a while. We figured that it would be at least another year or so before we had a handfasting so there was time to figure that portion of it out.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was compelled to the point of madness to start planning our handfasting and wedding.
A handfasting – for those of you out there that are new to Paganism and/or Wicca – is a pagan wedding ceremony that lasts for one year and one day. However – it can be performed in a variety of ways.
Option 1: You have a handfasting ceremony every year and a day to renew your vows.
Typically with this option is not for people who want to marry, but not with the paperwork and what not. This is a not a legally binding ceremony recognized by the state, however that doesn’t mean it’s not binding in the spiritual sense. These ceremonies also tend to be more low-key (can you imagine planning a HUGE to-do every year?!). After the year and a day the couple chooses whether or not to re-new their vows or they can part their separate ways.
Option 2: You have a handfasting ceremony as your legal wedding.
The beauty of a handfasting is that there is no prescribed structure to them. Couples can be really creative with what they want to do so that things that are important and meaningful to them will be included. This type of ceremony is legally binding (providing proper paperwork and the person officiating the ceremony is legally able to do so by your state of residence) and recognized by the state (as the law allows… but that’s another post topic for another day).
Option 3: Have a handfasting and then one year and one day later have a legal ceremony.
This is the option that Garry and I chose and that a lot of people in the Pagan community we belong to have chosen. There are two ceremonies where the first ritual is like option 1 where it is not legally recognized by the state and the second ceremony, held a year and a day later is like option 2 where there is legal documentation and the priest/priestess is someone legally recognized by your state of residence to perform marriages.
Garry and I see the handfasting (in our case) as being an engagement ceremony. We are bound together, but not to the point of a legal marriage. This serves as a “trial period” almost before we actually “tie the knot” and make it legal (more on “tying the knot” in another post). The vows and ritual we are putting together for the handfasting will be used again during the legal ceremony with some minor tweaks in verbage to show that this is a much more binding ceremony.
Of course these aren’t the only ways that a handfasting can be performed – this is just what I’ve seen in our community and have found through years of study.
After finding the stone (more on that in the next post) for my engagement ring, it became even more of an obsession. I don’t use that phrase lightly either – it came to a point where I would lose sleep or have panic attacks over color combinations and centerpieces. My friends and family suggested “Why don’t you have your handfasting this year instead of next year and have your legal wedding next year?”
At first I protested – I was under the impression that I needed a solid year to plan our handfasting. Why? I’m not entirely sure. And (on top of that) I needed a good two years to plan our wedding. Maybe because I’m (more than) a little neurotic when it comes to these kinds of things, or maybe just because when we’re married and it’s all over with – then I won’t have anything to plan for a few years until we buy a house.
My mother said it best “You’re going to drive yourself, and frankly, the rest of us crazy with planning for something that’s not for 2 years.” One day that notion just sank in. Maybe we should just do it this year… I asked Garry and he was more than a little surprised that I suggested it – knowing full well how much of an obsessive, detail-oriented planner I am – and that I’m being rather spontaneous for something that is rather big and important. I thought at first he’d be hesitant, but instead was thrilled with the idea (agreeing with my mother) and we set a date:
September 4, 2010 for our handfasting
September 3, 2011 for our wedding
