June 29, 2010
Breaking the news – part 2
Telling everyone we’re getting married is a little bizzare. Normally I’m the type of person that relishes in all the attention and general fussing-over that comes with this sort of thing, but there are some things that I’ve found really annoy me about breaking the news.
1. When people cry (and it’s not grandma).
2. When people hum the Bridal Chorus. *I loathe the Bridal Chorus.
3. When the barrage of questions come in (the where are you having it? did you pick colors yet?)
4. When they ask how he proposed. Um, yeah. Not going to go there.
5. When people immediately ask if they’re invited.
6. When people offer to plan your wedding for you. (My inner Martha says NO!)
7. When people immediately start giving you suggestions. (Unless I ask for them – or you’re name is David Tutera – I think I’m good)
8. When people say “Oh, yeah, don’t ask me for help – I’m too busy”
9. When people say “You’re getting married?” and it sounds like I am going to contract the plague.
10. When people act jealous.
What I’d really like is “Congratulations – if you need help with anything feel free to ask.” OR even just congratulations! Really, is it that hard? I guess it’s because we feel compelled to know every, single detail to live vicariously through that person because we’re secretly a little masochistic and either we don’t know or forget how stressful this really is. Luckily most of my good friends have been really supportive and have offered to help me with this, that and the other thing. I’m eternally grateful for that.
*Okay, so the Bridal Chorus. It is used in just about every wedding I’ve ever been to. Either that or Pachabel’s Canon. Yeah that annoys me to, but it’s not as easily hummed as the Bridal Chorus. I’m all about tradition (okay, well maybe not) - I can appreciate tradition, but I appreciate creativity more. That video of the people dancing down the aisle? GENIOUS! I wish I would’ve thought of that! I might see if we can get some sort of chant situation going when we’re all making our way down the aisle.
The imagery I associate it with (the Bridal Chorus) is nothing short of the patriarchy dominating over women and reducing them to nothing more than a peice of property to be handed to the next owner – you know, like buying a used car.
On top of that – when my brother and I were young my mom decided for a brief while she would make dolls. She bought these little buttons that when you pushed them they’d play music. Even as a kid, for one reason or another I couldn’t stand the Bridal Chorus. I don’t know why, but it just bothered me. Well my little brother took this as his opportunity to really grate on my last nerve and chased me around the house pushing the button of that damn thing playing the Bridal Chorus. Eventually we were fighting in my bedroom and somehow the little button broke, fell behind my bed (where I couldn’t get it) and continued to play non-stop only at a reduced speed and a little off.
I was FURIOUS!
My mother thought it was hysterical and she left it there for a while until she finally pulled the bed out and got the annoying little thing.
I hate the Bridal Chorus. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
Luckily my dear friends have agreed to play violin and flute at our ceremonies. YAY! That makes me a happy Amy.
June 24, 2010
Sacrifices
People say that one of the keys to making a relationship work is compromise. Although, what they forget to say is that sometimes it’s necessary to make sacrifices in order to make things work too.
Garry and I decided to consolidate down to one vehicle – his Jeep. We spent all winter driving just my little car and it was fine. We didn’t really *need* another vehicle so long as we communicated with each other on where we needed to go and when, consolidated trips and that sort of thing.
Granted my little Saturn got excellent gas mileage, but the inspection was past due and I knew there was NO way it would pass and it needs a new transmission… really for a vehicle that has almost 150K miles on it – it wasn’t worth it. We also don’t have the money right now to buy another vehicle and include full-coverage on insurance.
Yesterday we drove my little Saturn down to the local U-Pull it place and we managed $215 out of it. We’re thinking $200 of it will go toward finishing our kitchen (we need a base cabinet really bad) since we won’t have much in the way of “extra” income for a while it’s a wise place to put that money.
That car was the only thing that I’ve ever really “owned” of any great significance. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about letting it go. I didn’t know if I would clam up and not do it, or if I’d break down and cry. In the end as I watched Garry drive it down the slope to the little garage they have set up, I felt a little sadness, but more relief than anything else. Something that had plagued me time and again (things needing fixed and just the general costs of owning a high-mileage vehicle) was no longer an issue.
It’s hard to believe that I owned that car since 2003. 7 years and about 120,000 miles later I was just so used to having it and relying on it. We drove in hot weather, blizzards and pouring rain. However, now I live about a two miles from work and it’s on top of a fairly steep hill. Winter-time in my car was not so fun. Garry’s Jeep has 4-wheel drive which makes me feel a lot safer than my little car did.
On our way home Garry noticed I was a little upset. I think he realized that I must feel really good about our relationship – otherwise why would I get rid of my only mode of transportation and rely on his vehicle – which I guess is our vehicle now.
At some point we might trade his Jeep in for something with better mileage. We definitely need something that has 4-wheel drive and enough space to pack all of our camping gear. It should also be safe. We’re thinking along the lines of a CR-V would be good for us.
The more I’ve thought about it – the more I am okay with selling my car and the less it feels like a “sacrifice.” It will make our lives easier (and better) so in the end it all works out better.
June 22, 2010
Distractions
Garry and I have relatively busy lives as it is, but when we included handfasting/wedding planning into it (and then with the unexpected announcement of my maids’ engagement over the weekend and my offer to help with their wedding) well, we’re sure to start feeling a little over stretched here pretty soon – especially as our handfasting looms near.
One thing that we’ve promised ourselves (and I’ve read this in articles over the years) is to not let the planning process consume your lives. I was talking to Garry last night about a few things (concerning my stress over booking a venue for next year), but I try to keep those conversations short, sweet and to the point. It’s not that he doesn’t care (he really does care quite a bit), but I tend to get so buried in the details and obsess over things and he really doesn’t and sometimes gets a little frustrated with that.
Luckily we do have rituals to attend every so often and that gives us a break from planning (and in my case, stressing) and allows us to focus on our spiritual path (and have a good understanding of what we need from each other and from ourselves to help us grow as a couple) and relax a little – even if we end up exhausted by the end of the weekend.
There are other events that we are a part of over the summer too – while it adds to the pile of craziness – it is something for us to do together that is not wedding related.
Also – something we’ve been doing for a while is Noodle Night. It sounds a little dorky at first, but it really is something special for both of us. One night a week we watch anime cartoons (usually we pick a series and watch it all the way through over a series of weeks) and I make some sort of ramen noodle dish. It sounds silly, but it really has brought us closer together knowing that one night every week we’ll set aside time for each other to do that. It’s definitely something to look forward to.
And it’s not like we just watch it. We actually talk about it. I love that we can sit there and question plot holes or discuss character development.
Last night was Noodle Night and we started watching Avatar – The Last Airbender. We figured this was appropriate since the movie is coming out (that can be a special Noodle Night where we go see the movie) even though it’s American anime.
I’ve seen the series, but it’s always been in chunks – never straight through. It will be interesting to watch it through the end.
Previous to Avatar, we watched Naruto, which at first I thought was going to be kind of lame, but I ended up really enjoying it! We don’t have the last few seasons yet so we had to put that one on hold unfortunately.
Avatar has 60 episodes so it will take a while to get through the whole series. Maybe by then we can pick up Naruto and finish – or we can try to get either Inuyasha, Outlaw Star, or Sailor Moon (which is my absolute favorite and I’ve seen the series all the way through about 4 times, but I LOVE it!) I think Inuyasha is probably the best bet here since it’s a relatively long series (although the ending makes me more than beyond annoyed! It was terrible!) so it will last a while. Plus it’s not super-cute-and-adorable like Sailor Moon which is really directed at middle school to teenage girls. Somehow I don’t see a 26-year old former Marine really getting into it.
