July 6, 2010
The ring
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, mostly because now that Garry and I are “officially” engaged, it’s been a little crazy.
I don’t have a photo of the ring yet (still working on that), but I have something just as good!
I still think it was a moot point, but it did make him feel all special - and that’s what’s important. However, he posted the video on Facebook that morning and it was apparently viral through our circle of friends before I got home last Tuesday.
This week we were planning on getting a lot done. Then the weather decided it was going to be ungodly warm. Grr.
We live on the second floor of old house (like 1890′s old) that was converted into a triplex. It gets WARM in there. Yesterday we had a bunch of people over (which was a BAD idea) and we don’t own a proper air conditioning unit to cool our living room (our living room doesn’t have windows that can open – so it has to be one powerful enough to cool two rooms) and it was pretty miserable. I’m still recovering.
Fortunately the AC we do have is capable of cooling our bedroom so at least we were able to get some sleep last night. However this means that the only room that will be anywhere close to tolerable is our bedroom, making any sort of work we want to do on our wedding this week next to impossible. (Really, I just wanted to print my handfasting invitations)
On Friday I have two appointments – one with a florist and another with a venue and we’re going to dinner at a potential restaurant that may do catering. Of course, it’s supposed to RAIN all day on Friday. Awesome. Although I’m sure by that point I’ll be fine with waltzing about in the rain.
June 29, 2010
Lord of the Ring
One of the reasons I love Garry so much is because he is such a dork.
Yesterday my engagement ring was delivered to our local store and Garry went to go get it. He picked me up at work and then dropped me off at my second job (yeah – it’s really a drag) and went to go get it.
Of course I’m thinking “YAY! Now I get to wear it!” Nope. Not yet. Apparently Garry is stubborn enough (or stuck on tradition enough) to “formally” propose.
Which I still think is funny because it’s really kind of a moot point.
This, of course, kills me because he could’ve been all sneaky and said “Hey I have to run back to the house for a few minutes/drop something off at my friends/get a sandwich while you’re at the station” instead of “I’m going to go pick up your ring” Grr.
THEN because he is so not super sneaky, he said he was worried it wouldn’t fit. Um, the band fit fine and we ordered the same size so I’m guessing it will fit. We pull in the driveway and he said “No, I think I need you to try it on to make sure.”
So I stood there and closed my eyes while he practically twisted my arm around my back (so I couldn’t see incase I peeked – which I didn’t) slipped it on really quick, made sure it fit and then slipped it off.
*sigh*
THEN he went online and posted to Facebook that he was the Lord of the Ring.
What does that make me - Gollum?!?!?
Anyway, it was pretty funny. For someone who claims his totem to be a fox he is not very sneaky.
Speaking of elves, faeries and the like – our second annual Faerie Festival went really well this last weekend! (Garry and I worked at the event) We had a ton of people come and we really enjoyed the music, performers and the joust (I love a good joust!). At night we had a HUGE (although, for me it was too huge) drum circle.
I also found a fascniator for our handfasting! It’s an ivory lily with faerie hair attached. The company is Solstice Art and she makes really fabulous pieces! (I stood there a while and drooled over her headpieces before purchasing my clip)
I’m thinking of possibly having some smaller versions of mine made up for my maids (mine only cost $20 so I’m hoping she can make some smaller ones up for less). Could be interesting!
June 15, 2010
Today is the day!
It’s hard for me to sit at work knowing that Garry is sitting at the counter of the jewlery store my MOH works at trying to decide THE RING. I guess this is why so many men decide to surprise their girlfriends – because if they’re like me – they tend to be a little neurotic over the style, color, how many side stones and their shapes…
I took care of the hardest part I suppose with my trillion cut sapphire. The rest, is up to him.
He is also ordering our bands – might as well since he’s there. One less thing to worry about down the road. One of the things I’m a little worried about – is that he’ll spend more money than we originally wanted to spend. But, that’s for him to work out I suppose.
Unfortunately the ring needs to be sent out to have the stone mounted (something that is a little scary for me) and then it will be shipped to us when it’s done – a process my MOH assured me – will take about 2 weeks.
Garry was a little upset about the turnaround time (he was hoping to have it that same day I guess), but we’ll get it just in time for 4th of July – which I’m hoping will be the first weekend in a month where we’re not running around doing this, that or the other thing – and maybe just taking in a baseball game and watching fireworks. I’d like that.
Oh, so they just called to get my opinion on something… which I think is kind of funny since jewelry is not really my forte. However, I trust that Garry and my MOH won’t do something like mount it crooked and in yellow gold (it look awful in yellow gold).
Other than that – nothing else exciting has happened. We’re waiting for a few more bills to come in and pay them off before we can go any further. I’m still working on what pattern I want to use for my handfasting dress (or if I just want to buy a really nice, long sundress that I can wear again).
Oh another call - apparently Garry is bringing home our bands tonight to make sure they’re the proper size. If they’re not then we’ll take them to our local store tomorrow to get sized and then we’ll get the correct size (if he didn’t guess the correct size) to my MOH so she can make sure my engagement ring will fit.
Whew!
But, the transaction is made. The rings are taken care of! YAY! 
Funny note: Garry told me what we had to do to make sure our bands were the correct size. Then he said “Well, we want to make sure your engagement ring is the right size when I propose to you.”
Um. Kinda late for that.
Well, at least we’re consistantly doing everything backwards!
June 11, 2010
Making the commitment
Yesterday Garry and I went to a local pub where my friend Derek was playing. He drove in from out of town to help raise some money for a benefit to help disadvantaged children in our area play hockey.
There were a fair number of people I went to school with there, some I knew, some I only recognized the faces, but it was interesting when I had to introduce Garry to all of my old friends.
At this point we haven’t formally announced our engagement. I guess we were waiting for him to get the ring, but as I stood there racking my brain for an introduction I finally said “Oh, this is Garry, my fiance.”
He smiled. It was the first time I said it. I’ll be honest, it felt a little weird – not in a bad way, but in a “I’m so used to just calling you my boyfriend” kind of way – but it was good all at the same time. So naturally people asked to see the ring – that was explained too. Naturally people were perplexed and wondering “well how did you propose” (to Garry).
Well, that’s a funny thing too, because if you think about it he didn’t propose to me. I proposed to him. Which, in the grand scheme of things makes total and complete sense.
Apparently, we narrowed it down to when I was at the Gem and Mineral Show and found my sapphire. I called and asked him if he’d be okay with me buying the stone. He said yes. See, I proposed to him on accident.
I think it’s a funny story, and not only that, but a good one for our some-day children. It teaches that women have just as much power as men to initiate that kind of commitment. Because ladies, we really do have that power – not just on February 29th in Ireland.
June 8, 2010
:D
I can finally say that we’re officially unofficially engaged!
Okay, so it sounds odd, but we’ve started planning our handfasting – got (most) of our crew in order and working on the invites. The only thing that keeps it from being “official” (and this is in the eyes of tradition) is that Garry hasn’t “formally” proposed with a ring and all that silliness.
Two years ago I said that I didn’t want an engagement ring. I didn’t want it to come across as being “bought” ala “Here’s this shiny bauble, so marry me” kind of deal. I know that’s not how it is in the mainstream, but for me it kind of felt like that.
We hemmed and hawed over the idea for a while. We figured that it would be at least another year or so before we had a handfasting so there was time to figure that portion of it out.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, I was compelled to the point of madness to start planning our handfasting and wedding.
A handfasting – for those of you out there that are new to Paganism and/or Wicca – is a pagan wedding ceremony that lasts for one year and one day. However – it can be performed in a variety of ways.
Option 1: You have a handfasting ceremony every year and a day to renew your vows.
Typically with this option is not for people who want to marry, but not with the paperwork and what not. This is a not a legally binding ceremony recognized by the state, however that doesn’t mean it’s not binding in the spiritual sense. These ceremonies also tend to be more low-key (can you imagine planning a HUGE to-do every year?!). After the year and a day the couple chooses whether or not to re-new their vows or they can part their separate ways.
Option 2: You have a handfasting ceremony as your legal wedding.
The beauty of a handfasting is that there is no prescribed structure to them. Couples can be really creative with what they want to do so that things that are important and meaningful to them will be included. This type of ceremony is legally binding (providing proper paperwork and the person officiating the ceremony is legally able to do so by your state of residence) and recognized by the state (as the law allows… but that’s another post topic for another day).
Option 3: Have a handfasting and then one year and one day later have a legal ceremony.
This is the option that Garry and I chose and that a lot of people in the Pagan community we belong to have chosen. There are two ceremonies where the first ritual is like option 1 where it is not legally recognized by the state and the second ceremony, held a year and a day later is like option 2 where there is legal documentation and the priest/priestess is someone legally recognized by your state of residence to perform marriages.
Garry and I see the handfasting (in our case) as being an engagement ceremony. We are bound together, but not to the point of a legal marriage. This serves as a “trial period” almost before we actually “tie the knot” and make it legal (more on “tying the knot” in another post). The vows and ritual we are putting together for the handfasting will be used again during the legal ceremony with some minor tweaks in verbage to show that this is a much more binding ceremony.
Of course these aren’t the only ways that a handfasting can be performed – this is just what I’ve seen in our community and have found through years of study.
After finding the stone (more on that in the next post) for my engagement ring, it became even more of an obsession. I don’t use that phrase lightly either – it came to a point where I would lose sleep or have panic attacks over color combinations and centerpieces. My friends and family suggested “Why don’t you have your handfasting this year instead of next year and have your legal wedding next year?”
At first I protested – I was under the impression that I needed a solid year to plan our handfasting. Why? I’m not entirely sure. And (on top of that) I needed a good two years to plan our wedding. Maybe because I’m (more than) a little neurotic when it comes to these kinds of things, or maybe just because when we’re married and it’s all over with – then I won’t have anything to plan for a few years until we buy a house.
My mother said it best “You’re going to drive yourself, and frankly, the rest of us crazy with planning for something that’s not for 2 years.” One day that notion just sank in. Maybe we should just do it this year… I asked Garry and he was more than a little surprised that I suggested it – knowing full well how much of an obsessive, detail-oriented planner I am – and that I’m being rather spontaneous for something that is rather big and important. I thought at first he’d be hesitant, but instead was thrilled with the idea (agreeing with my mother) and we set a date:
September 4, 2010 for our handfasting
September 3, 2011 for our wedding
You got some pretty big stones!
Like I mentioned in the previous post - for a while I wasn’t certain if I even wanted an engagement ring. I knew for certain I didn’t want a diamond – everyone has a diamond. Oh sure the symbolism behind a diamond being the hardest gemstone known to humans, is purity and clarity… and a whole bunch of other stuff that doesn’t really apply to either me, or my relationship with Garry in something that is supposed to be symbolic. (I’m not going to try and kid people that we’re “pure” we’re human and no human is pure)
I suppose the real issue I have with diamonds is that they feel a little cookie-cutter to me. Hey, if you have your heart set on a princess-cut diamond for your finger set on a white gold band, then that’s all well and good with me, but for me, not so much. I don’t want to run into 10 other people with the same ring as me. (This will probably end up being a re-occuring theme throughout this blog)
In my effort to be different without being too outrageous I decided that I’d really like a sapphire engagement ring. Blue is my favorite color after all (and Garry’s), and sapphires are a very emotional stone, blue like the depths of the ocean, and also represent faithfulness in marriage (something that’s rather important to Garry and I). Apparently they were also popular engagement stones before diamonds took center stage.
In April, just after we came home from visiting my parents in Florida, (and my entire family expressed their approval of Garry to me) I went with a few friends to a local gem and mineral show. We had just about nothing for money (save for about $150 in my checking account) and I said to my friends “Sure, I’ll go, but I’m not planning on buying anything while I’m there.”
Oh those famous last words.
I took literally five steps in the door and to my right was a booth set up with a bunch of cut gemstones. I looked over the selection and there it was. The most gorgeous sapphire I have ever seen.
It was a trillon cut sapphire with the size equivalent of 1.1 cts. I stood there for a good 10-15 minutes fogging up the glass case, staring wide-eyed with my heart fluttering. I nearly fainted.
The woman at the counter asked if I would like to look at it closer. “Closer?” my voice cracked a little. “Umm… sure.”
It’s brilliance was multiplied when she took it out of the glass case, at that moment I knew it needed to be mine. It was fate.
However, we were broke. I had $150 to my name and that had to last us for about a week until my next pay day. There was no way I could afford such a beautiful stone like that. So I put the stone back and meandered off to see the rest of the show.
When I came back to the entrance and back to the little booth with the sapphire, I stared longingly again at it for another solid 10 minutes. The little old man working behind the booth asked if I’d like a price on it. “Why not” I said, figuring it would be well above what was in my bank account or what I’d be willing to pay.
He took out a pair of old brass scales that have probably seen many generations of use and dropped the stone in the little tray. The scale shifted and he added counter weights to the other side, carefully teetering the scale into balance.
The scribbled a number on his worn little notepad and went back to his calculator and came back to me with a total.
“That stone would be $130.95 dear.”
At that moment I imagine all the color drained from my face. I had $130 in my bank account! I could afford what I imagined was the most gorgeous stone I have ever seen! I was giddy with joy!
I asked to be excused for a moment so I could make a phone call and ran outside to call Garry. With hands shaking I called his cell phone and relayed the story. I asked him if he felt awkward if I picked out a stone for an engagement ring and he said that if “it was what I truely wanted – then I should have it.”
I bounded back into the building and happily relayed the news to the little old man and the woman working at the booth. They hadn’t realized why I was so excited, but when I handed them my debit card and said “This is for my engagement ring – I wasn’t looking for a stone in particular, but this one is perfect. It’s truely fate.” The woman’s eyes beamed and said I needed to come back next year so she can see the finished piece.
Fast forwrad to about 3 weeks ago. We went to a ring show at our local Kay Jewelers to accomplish a few things: 1. get my ring finger sized and 2. see what there was to see. I have never been ring shopping before. Actually – I have worn only a few rings in my whole life – so picking out an engagement ring is more than a little scary in the “you’ll wear this piece of jewelry for the rest of your life” sort of way.
So, sweating like a beast and with my hands shaking we went to the store and looked at mountings.
I’ll be honest – I think I was too nervous to really concentrate on what was going on. Garry was hovering over me (which is something that makes me even more nervous) and the salesperson was giving me this ring and that ring to try on. We brought the sapphire I purchased and placed it in a few settings to get a good idea what it would look like. Again, I think I was so nervous I couldn’t really concentrate because everything seemed way too shiny and “blingy” for me.
I’m a relatively simple person. (For those that know me, you can stop laughing now) I don’t like a lot of bling and I’m not one to wear a lot of jewelry. I have a few pieces, some nice, but mostly it’s nothing more than something I got at NY and Company on sale for $10. My favorite piece I own now are a pair of pearl stud earrings my grandmother gave me. I wear them more than anything else. They’re simple and go with everything. I kind of want my ring to do the same thing.
I also work with my hands a LOT. I do wood burning, drawing… I play a bodhran too. I dig in the dirt and weed gardens – and I like to sit infront of a sewing machine for hours on end. Needless to say, it would have to be durable.
We left the store that day with a few mixed feelings. I was so stressed I was near the point of tears. I figured I’d be happy with a plain mounting, nothing fancy going on because we really are simple people, Garry and I. Garry knows me well enough to know that I’d probably change my mind soon enough. Last week I went online to the Kay Jewlers website and poked around a little to see if there’s something I’d like other than a plain band and other than what we saw at the show. Naturally I found a few that I liked that not 3 weeks ago were the antithesis of what I said I wanted.
We’re planning on getting the mounting and the wedding bands done at the same time. Might as well – one last thing to think about down the road right?
I’ve left this task in Garry’s hands. I trust him fully and know that he will pick something that I will love and cherish.
The lesson learned here: I don’t have to (or want to) be in control of everything. Also – knowing what you want is a good thing, but if sometimes it’s good to be surprised too. Knowing that something is given from the heart from someone you love instantly makes it that much more beautiful.
