June 29, 2010
Themes good to me…
Okay, I needed to throw a pun in there. Lack of (good) sleep and the humid temperatures are making me a little crazier than normal.
I’m still trying to figure out the venue situation. There’s a really nice water garden near where I live (actually it’s dead center between our hometown and most of Garry’s family) thath as a pavillion that seats 150.
We did our first draft of our invite list and we came up with 107. That’s good – we want it to be small enough to be manageable, but large enough to be a fun party.
It was a hard thing to do since I’m not close with the vast majority of my family. When I say I have a “small” family, it’s because I don’t know about all the cousins and extended family. We never lived near enough to them (nor were my parents particularly close with them either) to justify them being close family. We have 22 people that are considered “close family” and even within that there are people I rarely ever get to see or talk to.
So watching Garry fill out his “side” of the list (we’ve divided it into my family and personal friends, his family and personal friends and then our mutual pagan community friends to get a good idea of the balance) was a little disheartening when it was twice as long as my list. Granted I wasn’t planning on inviting a ton of people (most of my friends from high school and college I rarely talk to anymore so why invite them when they’re not a huge part of my life?) so I guess I shouldn’t be upset. I think because I know when my parents see the list they’ll be like “Why is he inviting so many more people than you?” and since they’re paying for it there might be an issue there.
But, more on that and the notion of “family politics” in another post.
Theme weddings. They’re something that could be really cool if done correctly and really awful if done wrong. There’s a fine line between good theme and bad theme and from what I gather, it’s all about subtlety.
So in other words, it doesn’t have to be like a passion play (damn!) or require that people dress up in costumes (although if you have people willing to do that it could be really fun – but really it’s only fun if everyone participates). A theme, I suppose in my interpretation, is something that will keep everything cohesive. I found a fantastic site yesterday www.elizabethanndesigns.com that does an excellent job of taking an idea and making it work without being too overbearing.
Also – the show My Fair Wedding (On We Network) shows how you can take a theme and get the idea across without being so blunt about it.
I started brainstorming theme ideas in my head. Garry and I have a pretty geeky background and group of friends. We like nature and camping. I like things that are Victorian, boho, kind of Midsummer Nights Dream (the naturey-fae part of the play) sort of thing. I think Garry will go along with whatever, but he’s definitely into fantasy and sci-fi novels (think Lord of the Rings kind of stuff). Somewhere in there, there’s a theme.
How do I put it all together on $5K? That, my friends, is the big question.
June 18, 2010
We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends
Something I’m learning is that you can never be too thankful for the help of friends and family when it comes down to planning your wedding.
Garry and I are setting aside around $5,000 for our wedding (legal ceremony) next year. For most people that is just a drop in the bucket, for us, it’s a huge investment. We realized that we would have to be frugal and maybe not have *exactly* what we want on every measure, budget carefully and be creative.
We also knew that we had a huge pool of resources with our friends and family and were hoping that they would be ever-so-kind to help us out on our big day.
My parents are taking care of the food/beverages and venue for us (which when you look at a wedding budget – the VAST majority tends to go there) which saved us a ton of money. Even if they weren’t able to help us and we had a pot-luck dinner – we still would’ve had to come up with some moola for the venue and the main dish – which is pretty pricey for 150 people.
My bridesmaids are making their dresses – which saved me $75 on my budget – and about $200 if we would’ve bought them from a store. I wanted to make sure my maids wore something comfortable and nice for the wedding (I want them to feel pretty too!) so purchasing the fabric and patterns for them was a big “THANK YOU” for standing up there with me and for dealing with all my potential insane moments in the coming year.
Our upstairs tenant and friend was a hairdresser for many years before going into the jewelry making business. She offered to do our hair (both for our handfasting and the wedding!) as a gift.
My coworker is dj’ing our event (although I’m a little nervous that it might end up turning into a roast!).
And today, I asked a good friend of the family who happens to be a fantastic photographer (with all the right equipment even!) and she agreed and even said she’d do it for us as our present! YAY!
We are so lucky that we have such wonderful people that are willing to help us and make our day special!
If you have a lot of people helping you on your wedding day – it’s a good idea to include a thank you page in your program. We’re planning on doing so – and aside from the cheesecakes I’m planning on making for them as thank you presents - it’s a really nice way to acknowledge them.
June 14, 2010
The importance of Budgeting
I’ll admit right off the bat – budgeting was not always my strong suit. It took years of making pretty big financial mistakes (shopping sprees and international trips) to finally learn my lesson about creating a budget and sticking to it – and thankfully it became habit well before Garry and I decided to get married.
One of the biggest issues couples fight over is money. In serious cases (as in when coupled with bad communication) it can lead to divorce if not corrected before marriage.
The wedding usually is the first very large budgeting situation that couples will find themselves in (unless, of course, they purchase a house or make other large financial decisions beforehand) and it can teach a newly engaged couple really how to handle finances responsibly (or it can go horribly wrong and the couple can end up with MASSIVE amounts of debt – which makes no one a happy panda).
While I know not everyone will agree with me – it’s my belief that a couple should never go into debt over their wedding. The lessons in saving for something special and the use of control over one’s spending habits (and the communication of how the money is going to be spent) is invaluable and makes for a financially stable household. There is no good reason to start a marriage in the red (long-term debt like student loans, or in the case of some – a mortgage are exempt from this). I think people forget that a wedding is not about how much bling or flowers you can fit into a day – but it’s about making a life-long commitment to the one person in the world that you love more than anyone else.
In this day and age where you can get anything and everything on credit, couples are spending on average $19,581 on their big day or in a range from $14,686 to $24,476 – according to www.averageweddingcost.com. This does not include the cost of a honeymoon or the engagement ring. More information on the site, plus a wedding cost estimator calculator.
Think about that – nearly $25,000! That’s a good down-payment on a house! Or a brand-new car! Spent all on one day!
Garry and I decided that we absolutely did not want to go into debt over our handfasting or our wedding. Actually – with the plans we have put into place – we’ll be completely debt free (excluding my student loans and his Jeep will be almost paid off) by the time we get married in September of next year.
Our budget (for our handfasting) is hovering around $1,000 (included in that is a plane ticket for Garry’s best man which comes in around $300) and our wedding budget is around $5,000 (but it’s looking more like we’ll only need $4,000) for the portion that we’re paying for* (also including another $300 plane ticket).
(*We are very fortunate that my parents have graciously decided to pick up the tab for the venue, catering and beverages)
Setting up a budget is actually pretty easy. All you have to do is take your monthly income and subtract all of your bills (rent or mortgage, utilities, groceries, transportation – etc.) and you’ll have an amount that’s left over. See if there’s anywhere you can cut costs. A while ago we were wondering why we had very little money at the end of the month. We realized after looking at our ledgers that we would spend over $400 on food a month! For two people! We cut our grocery bill almost in half and stopped eating fast food – which adds up REALLY quickly) and have faired a little better. In my case, I have an average of $600 a month after bills to pay for things like groceries and gasoline. After that I usually have around $300 -$400 a month that usually goes toward the renovations of our apartment building.
After looking at our budgets, we knew we couldn’t afford to set aside more than about $200-$250 a month each without really impairing on our lifestyle or potentially causing some financial trouble. We wanted to keep in mind that we’ll still want to do things like go out to dinner with friends, go to a movie or maybe take a day-trip every once in a while because it’s a good idea to relax and take your mind off of wedding planning (so I’m learning at least). Also – we’re saving up for a house. We could go ALL out and set aside $800 a month, but then we wouldn’t have money set aside for a down payment on a house – which in the long run – is much more important to both of us than really expensive flower arrangements.
Once we knew how much each month we could set aside (mostly for our legal ceremony, but for the handfasting too – just to see how far we can stretch our budget), I went into Excel and put together a worksheet of all the items we need to purchase (my dress, decorations etc.) and put in a budgeted amount for each item – that’s the “Estimated Cost” column. As we purchase items I add the actual cost into an adjascent column titled “Actual Cost” (and highlight the row so I know it’s purchased). That way we can keep track if we’re going over (or under!) on our budget and find out where we can splurge or where we can cut costs. For example: I budgeted $150 to buy patterns and fabric for my bridesmaids. I ended up only spending $80. That leaves me $7o that I can put somewhere else – like a port-o potty (something I had completely forgotten about beforehand) since our handfasting is going to be pretty much in the middle of the woods.
The extra money is important to have in case you run into unexpected costs (and you will) like emergency dress alterations, delivery/set-up fees, taxes and gratuity (which can total to nearly 30% of the original cost tacked on!). The best way to start getting an idea as to how much a particular item (or something like a venue) is going to cost is to call the vendor and see if packages are available (those are usually pretty good about giving good details on cost) and then make absolutely sure to ask about gratuity, cake cutting fees, tear-down/set-up fees, or any other fees that are not listed on the package (because chances are they won’t bill those costs until you receive the final bill the day of your wedding) and when payments are due. When possible – get a very clear contract with specific amounts and specific dates.
Another tip that has helped us immensely so far with our budget is utilizing the talents and generosity of our friends and family.
We are fortunate enough to have friends that are professional dj’s, photographers and have amazing skills at sewing and decorating. Our own skills are helpful too – I do a lot of work in the Adobe Suite at work and can design my own custom invitations and print them at home. They look like I paid over a $1k for them, but really – only $50 for paper and supplies. 
Chances are good you’ll have tons of friends that are willing to help out (if you ask nicely and provide pizza!) with things like assembling favors and invitations. Another way to cut down on costs is to email invitations to people who are technologically savvy (think friends from work and people who might not keep the invite in a scrapbook like your grandma might) in PDF format. There are also online services to email invites and save-the-date cards. www.smilebox.com is a good site for you techno-folk out there. You pay $5 and you can get your invites or save-the-dates ad free! Plus there’s music to choose from if you’d like to add it. (Emailing saves a ton of money on postage and is very green since you’re not printing a ton of cards). We’re planning on doing a mix of both – we’re emailing and handing out invitations. We’re snail-mailing a few, but only to our family and a few out-of-town friends.
Now, don’t get me wrong, if you’re on a budget for your wedding (which I would guess that’s the vast majority of us out there) everything does NOT have to be DIY. (Garry and I are just that special kind of crazy!) If you are on a budget, but don’t find yourself particularly crafty or don’t want to deal with the absolute and pure frustration of putting everything together – you can always go on sites like ebay or etsy and purchase what you need for a good deal. The goal here is to keep on the look out for good deals and to be open to ideas.
